Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Emotions

When I'm feeling emotional, I tend to hide.

I'm not one to express my emotions well and I feel like if there's a chance I'm going to crack, I get nervous and push people away so they don't see my explode, melt down and recover.

It's not a pretty sight, trust me.

In my new work situation and my new Faith situation, I'm surrounded by people that love you just because they love you and want the best for you.

It's an odd feeling to have people care, just for no reason other than they want you to be happy.

This makes me further emotional which does not help my situation sometimes.

It comes off as rude when I dart out of the way when someone asks how I am or if I'm okay. I know they only mean well and are genuinely concerned for me, but it's a hard habit to break when you are unable to face anyone with tears streaming down your face.

But that's me... I'm not proud of it and it's something that I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be accepting of help and hugs and unconditional love.

It's on my list of goals for the year, among many many other.

The really funny thing about it all is that I'm that way, meaning that I want to give love unconditionally, I want to help without reward. I am that person that asks if you are okay and wants to give you a hug to make you feel better.

How can one person be two different ways in a situation where love is needed?

Quite a conundrum, huh?




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