Hesitation.

A few weeks back my doctor gave me the all clear to resume all normal daily activities.

This included running.

About a week ago, I took my first jog.

A nice short jog that lasted not even five minutes.

Then I stopped.

A few days later, I made it five minutes.

And again, I stopped.

This slow buildup continued for a few days until I decided that it was time to quit pussyfooting around and I hit a mile.

Today, I ran two and a quarter miles (slow as hell though).

It feels good to be back in my running shoes and pounding the pavement but I won't lie to you.

There's hesitation deep inside me about it.

One of my SVT episodes occurred while I was running and while yes, I didn't really feel it, it still happened.

Now I'm a little paranoid (as most with heart problems can be).

I wear a heart monitor watch while I run and I'll stop occasionally to check out my pulse (My max was 181). There's also the fact that I don't feel 100% confident in my heart.

There's no 100% guarantee that I won't have an episode and find myself reeling from the effects.

There's no way to tell when or where it (if it even does) happen.

And it SUCKS living this way.

That is why, despite my paranoia about my heart, I will strap on my running shoes tomorrow and go at it again.

I am 100% positive that if I let this problem control me it will only lead to panic attacks and me refusing to leave the comfort of the Barn.

I had to take a stand against my hesitance and kick it in the ass because a healthy lifestyle is what's best for me and my heart.