Paranoia suddenly has a hold on me.
Isn't that a song?
Since my diagnosis with SVT, I've been hanging out at my house... a lot.
I haven't left with the exception of going to the grocery store and to get my medicine (oh, and a trip to 7-11 for a donut).
When I went to the grocery store, I was pushing my cart down the aisle when all of sudden I started to feel... strange.
It was like I had suddenly opened my eyes and was surprised that I was where I was.
It was totally a WTF moment.
Then I started to get freaked out. I felt my heart palpitate and I got sweaty.
I left and went straight home and cried.
I don't like this trapped feeling and I know that it is totally mental. I know that this is all in my head, but I'm scared.
I'm scared that I'll be out and about and suddenly, my heart will go into overdrive and the I am unable to function.
I'm worried that I won't be able to take care of my children if something happens.
Also, my beta blockers aren't helping me either.
I am EXHAUSTED on them.
I can't even chase my kids in the barns without feeling heavy limbed.
It sucks because I am such an active person.
The doctor told me that as soon as we even out my medicine and get things in line, I can return to running and all things normal.
But can my mind?
10 hours ago