Paranoia, Paranoia....

Paranoia suddenly has a hold on me.

Isn't that a song?

Since my diagnosis with SVT, I've been hanging out at my house... a lot.

I haven't left with the exception of going to the grocery store and to get my medicine (oh, and a trip to 7-11 for a donut).

When I went to the grocery store, I was pushing my cart down the aisle when all of sudden I started to feel... strange.

It was like I had suddenly opened my eyes and was surprised that I was where I was.

It was totally a WTF moment.

Then I started to get freaked out. I felt my heart palpitate and I got sweaty.

I left and went straight home and cried.

I don't like this trapped feeling and I know that it is totally mental. I know that this is all in my head, but I'm scared.

I'm scared that I'll be out and about and suddenly, my heart will go into overdrive and the I am unable to function.

I'm worried that I won't be able to take care of my children if something happens.

Also, my beta blockers aren't helping me either.

I am EXHAUSTED on them.

I can't even chase my kids in the barns without feeling heavy limbed.

It sucks because I am such an active person.

The doctor told me that as soon as we even out my medicine and get things in line, I can return to running and all things normal.

But can my mind?