Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Mommy Failure: Bullying.

I uttered the words that no Mom ever wants to say yesterday... My Daughter is being Bullied.

Just reading that makes me want to cry.

My 4 year old is being harassed at Pre-School.


It started innocent enough (as innocent as bullying can start?) by the boy saying he didn't like her.

When Roo told me this, I told her that she needs to use her words and tell the teacher if anything persisted.

Well, it persisted and she ended up being pushed one day and slapped on the arm the next.

She could never remember the boy's name and each time I asked about her telling the teacher, she said the teacher was busy.

Roo is an easy going child, never one to rock the boat. She's had three temper tantrums her whole life! She's a people pleaser... and some say, a push-over.

And the whole time we're dealing with this, I'm freaking out.

Did I do something wrong? Why is my child being picked on? Did I not arm her with enough to defend herself? Why isn't she defending herself? Is she not developing enough?

Egh, the crutch of being a Mom.

It's horrible.

And of course, Roo was freaking out over the whole thing. She suddenly didn't want to go to school and last night she was up all night with nightmares.

Today we were able to pinpoint who was bothering her and after talking to the teacher and the director of the school, we decided to move Roo's chair (because the bully sat right next to her), the teacher said she would keep an eye on her and work on teaching Roo to stand up for herself.

Roo immediately brightened up and you could see a change in her.

She felt safe again.

While this brings me a measure of peace, I'm still feeling horrible that this even happened in the first place.

I feel like I failed as her Mom.

It's a never ending cycle for us Moms, this guilt that we have some how managed to let our children down.

It's horrible, I know... but it's part of being a Mom.


Doodle741 said...

You didn't fail her - that boy's parents failed HIM by teaching (showing?) him to be a bully. I am glad the teacher is willing to work with you! J was in 1st grade last year and the teacher would NOT help with a bully. I had to take it higher up. :/


Jackie @ MomJovi said...

You most certainly did not fail her. In fact, you did the only thing we can do as parents -- you made the teacher aware immediately. I think you'll find things will start getting better right away. We ran into this last year with my now 3 1/2 year old and it was just that the boy in question was a bit rambunctious. He wasn't a bully, per se, just really active. We still have some issues but I've become really good friend with his mother and we all work on it together. Frankly, he likes my daughter the best and to him, it's not picking, it's showing his affection (he doesn't push her but he's always trying to play rough and tumble). That's a long-winded way of saying, the best thing you can do is stay on top of the situation and make this a learning experience for Roo. They may end up being best friends out of this whole thing. And if not, at least she's sitting farther away from him now!

You did everything RIGHT by having a daughter who was honest with you and told you what was going on. That's way more important than having a "fighter."

Good luck!

Gena said...

I agree. This is so sad. I feel for both Roo and the bully. Bullying is a vicious cycle and if a 4 year old is bullying others, there is a reason! I really hope that the teacher dives in and finds out why to prevent him from bullying in the future. Thinking of you and Roo. Hoping she continues to love school and feels safe as she should!