The other day we were at a local bookstore and Roo was playing with a little boy while Turtle had made it her mission to pull all the books off the lower shelves.
While Roo and this boy were playing, Turtle had walked over to them and wanted to join in. At that moment, the boy threw a toy and it skimmed past her little head and my instincts kicked in and I told him to be careful that there was a little baby playing and we didn't want to hit her.
I didn't yell but I wasn't soft. I was firm, but gentle (does that make sense?) in my statement.
They continued playing, as kids often do, and not another toy was thrown.
Then Roo started misbehaving (I call it showing off) and I was firm with her. When she did it again, I told the boy that she could no longer play because she wasn't listening to her Mommy.
So he went off and while Roo pouted in a chair, I started picking up all the destruction Turtle had caused.
Then the boys Mom came around the corner and gave me a look.
You know, the look.
She didn't say anything to me but you could tell she had heard me talk to her son and I had the feeling she wasn't happy about it.
She and the boy disappeared before anything could be said (if there was anything to be said) and I didn't give it another thought until this morning when I saw an article from Baby Center regarding disciplining someones child and it got me thinking.
Was I in the wrong to say something to this child? Should I have tracked down the mother first and made sure it was okay to say something in the first place?
I must admit, I do say a lot to other people's children.
No, don't step on Turtle's hands. No, don't push. No, don't shove. No, we don't throw dirt at people.
I'm never harsh (well, I was once but I learned my lesson). I am just firm.
And the funny thing is, what would I do if I was in that lady's shoes?
Well, now that I stop and think about it I would probably approach and ask, find out what Roo did wrong and tell her myself to behave and then I'd apologize to her for Roo's bad behavior.
Tell me, am I wrong?
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2 days ago
7 comments:
I personally think you did the right thing. I tend to discipline children at the playground, especially when they are older than my son and are being too rough. My son is a very tall almost 3 year old and he is often confused for being much older.
I would expect someone else to say the same thing to my son if he was behaving in an unacceptable manner.
If a child is doing something wrong that may not affect your child, then sure, look for their parents first. If said child maybe endangering your child, then I think it is well within your right to tell them to stop. Sometimes I wish other parents would "get onto" my kids, they listen to strangers sometimes better anyway. :)
I do the same thing. I think it's fine.
I feel more comfortable telling a child no if I know them and their parents. If it's a child I don't know and they harm my child then I get very protective and have been known to say a firm no but if no harm is done I usually will remove my girls from the situation.
For me, I have no problem telling another child no if they are directly affecting my own child. In your case, he was. I would have said something and I have. I've never gotten a look (but that may be due to the fact that I have my *own* look & my face in repose does not make me approachable). :)
Now that my kids are older, I still say no to kids. I'm always surprised when a child will come to my home and act like a hellion. I'm pretty quick to point out our rules and it goes smoothly from there. My kids know the expectations. And, as you say, I'm not rude or harsh, I'm firm. I'm a mom.
I have used this line with kids of friends when they misbehave: "If you've been here more than three times, you're one of the family. Expect to follow our rules and be treated as such." They get it, they feel welcome, and they love that they're part of the family.
I think that's perfectly acceptable! And if my kid were acting up and I wasn't around, I'd hope another mother would say something to him. It takes a village and all that...
I think, in a variety of situations, what we think we would like/appreciate/respect other parents to do when it comes to our own children, is actually not once the situation arises.
I agree that it takes a village to raise a child, but most of us do not live in an actual "village". I don't mind in the slightest when the other mothers in my playgroup or my best friend step up and corrects my child, however a random stranger in a book store would ruffle me a bit.
I bet you made her think about how she would handle those types of things in the future, too.
It sure made me think.
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