Saturday, November 6, 2010

Fear of Daughters

I have a confession… I’m really anxious, nervous, neurotic that my children will grow up to be brats.

I sit and watch that nanny show on television and I freak out with fear that my children will be uncontrollable and cause me epic failure as a mother.

It puts all my parenting techniques into question: Am I doing this right? If I do that will my daughters because spoiled, ingrates that backtalk?

There’s part of me that has toughness when it comes to my children. I am firm with them, I demand certain things of them and when I’m unhappy I let them know. I’m worried that if I am too harsh on them they’ll hate me.

And there’s also a part of me that is such a softie for them. I melt at their requests and if I’ve been stern, I become softer than a liquefying marshmallow. I’m fearful that if I’m too soft they’ll hate me as well.

Sometimes it seems like being a parent is a lose lose situation.

I like to think that this won’t happen… that I’m such a great parent that my daughters will grow up to be respectful, loving, kind and encompass a toughness that isn’t harsh or mean.

And I realize that it is possible to raise kids to be those things.

It is possible to make it a win lose situation (lose only because eventually they grow up and leave us… but that’s another blog post itself).

The one thing I have to realize is that I, we (I do have a husband, remember), have to remain consistent in our parenting. We have to show them love, we have to set rules, and we have to know when to pull back and not helicopter over them.

We have to be firm parents that know what’s best for them.

And as soon as that nanny show is over, my anxiety disappears and I realize that I’m not a horrible parent that there’s a good chance my children won’t be nasty snots. I remember that my husband and I love these girls with every inch of our bodies and souls and that we’ve done a great job of raising them so far. I also remember that I have faith in us as parents… and I have a feeling deep inside that we are going to be okay.

And as long as I quit watching those nanny shows, I’m going to be anxiety free…. Until Roo starts dating.

1 comment:

Krista said...

You know, I think those shows fall in to the same category as trying to self-diagnose an ailment using online services, like WebMD, etc. No matter how insignificant your symptom, you probably have cervical cancer. Sensationalism at it's most terrifying!