For some odd reason if my husband falls asleep before me, I'm in for a long night.
Meaning that when he conks out before me (which is rare), I tend to be up all night.
This normally isn't a problem, but I now have a newborn who demands my attention all day and all night (okay, not all night but you get it) and a toddler who needs love and attention too. So if I stay up all night I'm crap in the morning.
And no one wants to deal with Crap Mommy... no one.
But in the stillness of the night, in the dark room that we all share... I find myself watching all three of them and feel my heart swell and tears fill my eyes.
I find myself watching Roo's tummy rise and fall with each breath and I think, damnit, I am so lucky.
I can hear Turtle making cute little baby noises in her sleep and I want to sob with how lucky I am.
I even gaze at my husband and know I found my true love.
In the pale light that comes from my laptop screen I can see my family and I can brim with the joy they have brought me. And this erases all the stress I have in my chest, it makes everything wrong right, it makes me happy.
Now only if I could fall asleep like the rest of them, it would be perfection.