When I became a Mom, I had a fear that crept into my body and settled down for the long haul. It's a nameless fear because it encompasses so many things.
Today, one of those things happened to me.
I fell while holding the baby.
Straight up tripped and bit the concrete dirt... literally.
To put the cherry on top, I had left the doctor's office where my two month old nugget had received four shots, not ten minutes before this happened. Needless to say that she was already in a fabulous mood.
I normally leave her in her car seat carrier and take her into the house to unstrap her. But today since she was super fussy I took her out and carried her myself.
And I walked up the small hill of dirt to the concrete pad, the same exact one I've walked up almost every day for the past 12 years.
Something happened where my foot got caught and down we went.
Luckily, I managed to remember to roll to my side so somewhere mid-air I twisted my body so I wouldn't land on my baby. She did hit the ground, but I saved her head from making contact.
I can't remember the last time I screamed like that. I snatched her up and examined her for any cuts, scrapes, bruises... and thankfully, she didn't have a single one on her.
She was just mad.
I examined her again after rushing her into the house and she was just still mad as hell. Then I became aware that I was in pain... lots of it.
After settling her down, I examined myself and discovered scrapes and cuts and blood... lots of it. In the fall I had taken most of the damage and I haven't had scrapes like this since I was a 6th grader playing dodge ball... needless to say I'm a wuss and ended up crying into my neosporin.
I also cried because I felt horrible for falling. I mean, like I said, 12 years of the same path to the door and today I trip. After three years of hauling Roo everywhere with no disasters, I finally trip two months into Turtle's life.
The dread and guilt is still weighing on me.
But on the happier side of things, Turtle is perfectly fine. She's smiling and happy... like nothing ever happened.
And as soon as my boo-boos heal I'm going to do my best to forget about it all too.
I Wish I Could Have Held Her
22 hours ago