Monday, January 4, 2010

What Happens When #1 Becomes #2

Roo has been my world for well over three years (including the 39 weeks with her in my belly). Everything I've done (okay, almost) has been about her and for her.

I wake up because of her (she can't fix her own cereal yet) and I drop dead exhausted at the end of the day because of her.

And now that there's another little baby coming into the picture, what will become of her?

What will happen when I can't drop what I'm doing to play horseys with Roo because I have to drop what I'm doing (mostly laundry) to take care of a squalling baby? Will she understand? If I can't get her a sammich fast enough because I have to nurse a baby instead? Will she throw a fit?

What will happen when the #1 in my entire world has no choice but to take a back seat?

Will she hate me?

Deep inside of me I'm not ready to give up the #1 spot to #2... Deep inside, I'm not sure I'm ready for #2 at all if it'll upset my #1.

Am I making sense?

I love Roo so damn much it hurts, it makes me want to cry... and now I have to find room in my life, in my heart, for another baby.

Will it be as easy as everyone says it will?

Will I be able to love them both equally? Will I be able to love them at the same time while one is nursing and while one is demanding Hot Wheelz?

Am I strong enough to do all of this and find time to sleep?

3 comments:

La Mom said...

As hard as it is to believe, you'll be able to love Baby Two just as much (and let's face it, sometimes more when the older one is pitching a fit).

A French friend told me that we have to grieve for the connection we have with our older child before the younger one is born. I don't know if this is ancient French wisdom, but it's right on.

Bon courage and hang in there!

La Mom
An American Mom in Paris

Erika said...

I guess the thing is, you don't love them equally. You love them both greatly, but in time, you love them in different ways, because they will be different people. And sometimes, you will like one better than the other and sometimes you won't like either of them. (or maybe that's just my boys. :) ) I imagine Roo will be pretty taken with her little sister and that will help a bunch.

fidget said...

I have to agree with Erika