I have a confession.
I hate my body.
Before Baby (B.B), I was a different person and had a different body. B.B I ran diligently, rain or shine I was pounding the pavement. I worked out because I loved how it felt. I ran miles upon miles because I loved how my husband looked at me. I was strict with myself because I was proud of how good I looked.
When I got pregnant, I quit running. It was miserably hot where I was and I was freaked out and worried about over-heating my body and cooking my baby.
So I quit.
I gave up exercise all together. Occasionally I would take a walk or walk the treadmill at a gym. But I gave up... and I ate whatever I want. I screwed it all up and really took the whole 'eating for two' thing to heart.
So after I had my girl, I recovered and started running as soon as I could. I ran all the time. As soon as my girl was asleep for the night, I'd head out.
I never saw any results.
I never saw my belly flab disappear. I never saw my thighs get thinner.
Nada.
When I didn't see results, I quit. I quit and took up drinking soda.
I tried to start running again and tried to get back in shape... and nothing.
It was so disturbing for me not to be running and taking care of myself. I can make excuses and say that I was too busy taking care of my daughter to worry about myself. But other mothers do it, why can't I?
Why can't I do something about it or accept the fact that my body will never be what it was? Why can't I embrace the extra weight that was the result of having a baby? Or why can't I kick my ass and make myself run or eat better?
Why do I hate my body so much?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
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13 comments:
I heart this post! I can totally relate with everything you said.
Eeewww... I feel ya!!! I am in the same boat! I am proud to say I have accomplished 1 day at the gym (woohoo) and am planning on going again tomorrow. (I am trying the 5 am routine. Ooohhh child...it's so early!!) Anyhow, the point of my comment is: my "baby" is 7 years old. I have griped & complained for this long & I am absolutely determined to make something happen this time. I'm creeping up on 30 & all the things they say about your body changing is insane. I've been tiny my whole life & lets just say I am slowly making up for lost time. Just know you are not alone & there is NOTHING wrong with feeling how you feel. Good luck to you!!!!
Oh man, you took the word right out of my mouth!
I am trying to get back into shape. It is so hard. Especially to get motivated with kids and the snow here.
I can totally relate, too! I can't tell you how many times I've been on a diet since having my children.
I totally undersatnd what you're saying! It's SO hard after a baby...in my case 5 babies so you can imagine! I exercise a couple times a week and don't really see any results, but I keep doing it for the heath aspects--it's totally depressing though!!!
I think all women feel that way... its so sad we do because our bodies are amazing in what they do.. you gave life with your body... & you look at someone who is sick & see how bodies fail - if we are healthy, then that should be all that matters... but I know we want so much more- perfection... I'm totally feeling you!
I so know your pain!
I am in the process of losing the weight after my third pregnancy. Taking longer than expected... REALLY bothering me. Being a mom has changed my life so drastically but my body is mine. And I will get it back... For me it represents maintaining the part of my life that is ME.
And you can exercise with kids - just need to be creative. My daughter lays under me while I do push-ups and I kiss her every time. And she straddles my legs during sit-ups.
If the final 10 pounds don't come off soon, I might just tattoo "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" on my fat roll.
Either accept how you are now or change it. But to be unhappy and stuck is the worst place!
I bought a used eliptical off craingslist and use it rain or shine every morning at ten when the view is on. or while ryder naps. its soundless. its right there all the time reminding me i need to get on once a day so i dont slack and give myself excuses. its a commitment that i made to myself that has worked out wonderfully. ive lost about 40 pounds of extra baby weight over about a year or so. its so worth it.
I'm sorry you are having poor body image. That's never fun. Have you tried yoga? I absolutely love it. I tivo the yoga show Inhale on the oxygen channel.
Me too. Except I never really did exercise or run to begin with. But now I am just lazy and eat whatever I want. And I am paying for a gym membership. The last time I went? August. Seriously.
Now it's my turn to say...
I'm not the only one?
THANK GOD!
I wish I knew the answers. When you figure it all out, please blog about it. Millions of moms will thank you!
Hey Suz - Can't believe I'm just now getting to your blog from I think last week's Wordful Wednesday. I think you're totally right in this post. I think we either need to really learn to love our bodies just the way they are or spend the millions of hours working out that it'll take to change them. But there's no shame in not being the same as what you once were! No shame at all!
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