When I was younger, I was what you would call... a bitchy person. I was very opinionated and never hesitated to make my thoughts known. I treaded on toe's of those I loved, I hurt feelings, I was ruthless.
I felt that I was an adult, even though I was the furthest thing from it, and I could do whatever I wanted, say whatever came into my head.
I was rash, stupid and careless. I was known as the bitch who could shoot you down with one piercing look. My disapproving silence made others supremely uncomfortable. I could clear a room with my bad mood in seconds.
Looking back, I realize what a fucking idiot I was.
I realize now how my actions were mean and hurtful, not only to those around me, but to myself. I alienated a lot of people with my behavior.
Becoming an adult, a true adult, didn't happen until a I became older. It just happened one morning. There's not a specific date I can recall, or if it was a sunny day or a rainy one. I just remember gradually changing. I remember looking at my friends differently and taking them for who they were, not who I thought they should be. I looked at the world as a totally different unit then I did the week before. Life was something to be proud of, to be grateful for. Instead of looking for the bad in people, I started seeing that they were trying to be their best and I was happy to have them in my life. Instead of criticizing everyone around me, I started thinking that they were trying their best and I was okay with that. I didn't feel the need to push anyone or demoralize them for their actions.
I was just okay with everything.
And now I look at my care-free, laid-back attitude as a saving grace. If I was still the person I was when I was younger, I'd be alone and the dumbest person in the world.
I'm so thankful I realized it. I'm so thankful I awoke with a fresh take on life and it made me the person I am today.
So whatever it was, whoever you were... Thank you.
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Making It Work
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12 comments:
Immaturity is a terrible thing isn't it?
I suffered from quite the case of it for a long time...and every once in a while it slips out :)
I definitely sympathize with you here. My first day of high school, everyone was introducing themselves -- and when I said my name was "Tatiana", people were curious how to spell it, so the teacher asked me to write it on the blackboard. For some reason I stood up, stomped to the blackboard, and screeched the chalk intentionally as I scrawled my name across the board.
Last summer, I ran into someone I went to school with -- and even though it had been something like 8 or 9 years since that day, she said "My first memory of you is when you did that... I thought you were such a bitch."
My attitude is definitely the reason high school was so miserable for me. I feel much more at peace these days and I miss all those friendships I never made because I thought I didn't need them.
Well, I think it's badass that you admit to your past faults. I've def. had my moments that I wish I could take back when I was just being bitchy for the sake of being bitchy. Not pretty.
(& I'm OH SO GLAD I could make you feel better about your closet! haha!)
Great post..I love the honestly here! Kudos to you!
Amen.
This post went straight to my heart...
over the last year I've changed as a person and cut out those that were "toxic" to my life... or embraced the "bitchiness" you speak of... i dont have time for bs anymore, and the cattiness i save for my one great hour of Desperate Housewives...
:)
i'm glad to be following your blog!
♥
I was a bitch too. I think it mostly stemmed from insecurities I had. I guarantee you there are STILL people from high school who hate me.
My bad.
But isn't it NICE to be nice!?! Feels darn good.
You're not alone in being a bitch when you were younger. Me, too! I think mine came in being so disatisfied with everything. Having a kid made me content, less self-involved and nice. Too bad it doesn't work that way for every parent!
Oh I cringe when I think back at how young and stupid I was. So glad those days are gone!
I was young and dumb too. For the exact opposite reasons. I was way too nice and a pushover. There's a lot to be said for being honest and strong and having a backbone. It's great to mature and recognize the follies of youth.
Now you know you're mature when you use such words as follies! Yikes time for bed.
I too look back and cringe at how I treated people when I was younger. Sometimes, I see that coming back, if I don't check it. Too often I let my selfishness rule me!
At least you learned... that's the most important thing!
Great post!
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