Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Comparision?

Sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes you do it without realizing it.

You compare your child to someone's child.

I did this yesterday while having a play date with my friend. Her daughter, who not only shares the same name as mine, has the same birthday as Miss Roo. I was blown away by how much my friend's daughter talks. She can even say "please" and "thank you." Which is something I've been trying to teach Roo for weeks (she's mastered thank you, just no pleases yet).

After the shock of such a talkative toddler wore off, I began to feel guilty. Why in the world was I comparing her development with my daughter's? I even questioned my parenting ability. Was I not reading the dictionary enough? Was this the effect of too much Spongebob Squarepants?

I've always been a believer of the theory that each child is different and each child develops at different rates. I've never really cared if one child was slower or faster than another. I've only cared that children are loved.

My theory was that when a child was ready to wean, sleep through the night, talk or walk they would. I've had first hand experience with this and Roo. While all of my friends were triumphant that their precious babies were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, I was wide awake every night with a night-waking, disco dancing baby. Roo learned to sleep through the night on her own, with no pressure from me.

So after the guilt wore off, I ignored the fact that my friend's child was a jibber-jabber and just enjoyed the play date.

Miss Roo will bust out with the "pleases" whenever she pleases. She will develop just fine and when she's ready to take on the world, she will. And you'll find me in the corner applauding her efforts, encouraging her and cheering her on.

13 comments:

Erika said...

Peyton didn't really make sense till he was closer to three, maybe 2.5. Shey, on the other hand, was speaking clearly a little over 18 months. You can't even compare siblings. It's natural to think about it though, and you did great by not dwelling on it. :)

Rachel said...

what a great post. i think we all do this sometimes as parents. i completely agree that we have to do just let it go and accept our kiddos they way they are.

have a great new year's!

DiPaola Momma said...

I think one of the most important things we can give our kids is the room to grow into who they are at their own pace.

All for of my kids were CRAZY early in the talking department (#1 was speaking in simple sentences at 10 months!). But each of them slept through the nite (or in their OWN beds) at different ages. #4 is 2 and a half and potty training is a game for her.. "maybe I'll use the potty, maybe not... let's see". Where #1 was fully trained at 13 months.

I think the most intresting people in life are those that do their own thing and I hope I'm bringing up some cool people.. I'm sure you are!

Erin, Nick and Merrick said...

I agree- it is hard not to play the comparision game- even with good friends.
Merrick does stuff at his own pace- mostly cause my husband and I have no idea what we are doing : )

TuTu's Bliss said...

We all have those moments. My daughter was a nearly silent child. I taught her sign language just because I wanted to know what she thought. Now she says things like, "Actually Mom, you are irritating me". And I think hmmmm I WANTED her to talk? :)My youngest is a jabber box and got less story time and quality mommy interaction. Go figure. HUGS

Rebecca said...

Katie is 2.5 and JUST started being a chatter box. She was a delayed speaker. She had 6 months of speach therapy. Not to say that Miss Roo needs that, but if you are concerned, talk to your pedi.

Katie does not stop talking now. It is bittersweet!

Jennifer said...

I have sort of an opposite problem so I can assure you the grass isn't greener. My 2.5 year old talks, walks, plays, thinks, and looks like she's well past three. The problem is that she doesn't poop or pee that way. So people are always giving me the side-eye when they see me changing this lucid giant's diapers and I can practically hear their thoughts. "Why isn't she potty trained yet? What is WRONG with you???" I'm constantly telling strangers, "You know, she's only two!"

And what's this about Spongebob? Are you telling me that isn't education television?!?! ;)

Mama Bub said...

I am constantly reminding myself that he is his own person and will do stuff when he's good and ready. It makes it more fun to celebrate what other kids are doing when I'm not focusing on what he's not doing. It's not easy though and I often come home to my husband saying "So and so can turn cartwheels. Can you believe that? Maybe we should put Bub in gymnastics." Well, kind of.

tamara said...

It's natural to want your child to stack up to others... just remember that once they start talking, they NEVER stop.

The Blonde Duck said...

Happy New Year! I think we all compare ourselves to everybody, whether it's our children, pets, clothes, success at work, figures. It's just part of being a social mammel. :)

Jamie said...

I learned early on ya just can't compare the kiddos (even though you'll run into those moms who throw it out there like it's a competition). They'll do whatever it is when they are ready with a little help from us parents :-)

gina said...

Be happy- once they start talking there's just no stopping 'em. lol. Seriously though- I 'm all for each to his own time. With potty training, reading, talking, walking -you name it. Kids grow fast enough... why sweat the small stuff.

Amy said...

It's hard not to compare. But they will do things when they are ready.