The day I got you as a gift was wonderful. My father picked you out just for me as a birthday gift and I felt fantastically spoiled when I opened you up. Good times have been shared between you and me. We've written stories, edited countless pictures, even cruised a porn site or two. You've been a constant companion in this household, even gone on the road with us and served as our only source of entertainment while in the wilds of North Carolina for two months. We've had each others back for years. Now, sadly, our relationship isn't what it use to be. Lately you've been slacking. You're slow and sluggish and I'm impatient. You refuse to connect to the internet and I need to update my blog. You're cold to me too, always freezing up when I need you the most.
I'm at my wits-end, threatening (daily) to toss you out the window or worse, making you the newest toy for my toddler. It's time for you to re-evaluate this relationship and decide if it is something you want to work out or walk out of. It's your choice... if you can't hack it, I know an Apple that will.