Sunday, September 14, 2008

Paint It Black

Just be forewarned, I'm in a black mood today.

Yesterday was my nephews birthday. The son of my sister, who I haven't spoken to in three months. I haven't spoken to her in three months b/c I told her to mind her own business about something and she proceeded to tell me I'm a bad mother, an immature brat, a person who wants everyone to hand her things, etc etc.

I didn't call my nephew yesterday to wish him a happy birthday b/c I knew a fight would ensue and I didn't have the patience to be nice to my hypocritical sister. I called my Dad and asked him if he'd call for me, he responded back in a pissed off voice that he wouldn't. Apparently, I can't please anyone in my family.

I haven't spoken to my mother in three months either b/c the day before I got into a fight with my sister, I got into a fight with her. She called me up and attacked me calling me a bad mother, a porn star and the wife of a loser husband.

I feel bad for not calling my nephew, for backing out, for pussing out. I made him a card and meant to send it last week, but never got around to it (I'm notorious for not mailing things on time). I'm going to mail it out tomorrow with some money, hopefully this will relieve some of my guilt of being a bad aunt.

The whole thing about my Dad getting pissed off at me dumbfounds me. It seemed like he was mad at me for trying to put him in the middle, but was I? Was I really asking too much of him? He said it wouldn't mean anything coming from him... but I wasn't ready to duke it out with my sister or have her hang up on me.

Everything has just put me in a foul mood... so foul that I just want to crawl into bed, hide under the covers and wait until everything blows over. The other part of me, the fighter, wants to call everyone up and bitch them out for saying such mean hurtful things about me. I want to yell at them for making me out to be the bad guy when all of this is their fault.

Honestly, am I at fault for both my mother and sister calling me up and calling me names? Saying such horrid, awful things about me and my family that they will never be erased from my mind?

The one thing I've learned from this is that I want my family, my husband and children, to never be so negative towards one another. I want us to do nothing but support and encourage one another. I want us to love unconditionally, even if one of us is making stupid mistakes or dumb moves. I never want my daughter to feel the way I feel towards my Mom... never.

I'm sorry about all the ramblings today, I promise I will return tomorrow to being my usual sunny, wise-cracking self.

Enjoy your Sunday.


verygoodyear said...

There should be no name-calling, and they were absolutely wrong to do so :[ I know it is hard, and coming from me with my own daddy issues maybe meaningless, but maybe it is time for you to "be the bigger person" and try to work out a reconciliation with your family members. Wouldn't you be hurt if your sister didn't send your daughter a birthday card or pick up the phone and call? Maybe it is worth saying "Listen, we really need to work things out" just to avoid that happening... :\

Erika said...

I'm sorry Suz. That's a hard situation. On one hand, it is your family. On the other hand, having negative people in your life sucks too. You have to be happy with yourself and that's really all that matters.