Saturday, September 6, 2008

Dear Boobs

Dear Boobs,

I know it's been awhile since we've spoken, you truly have been busy as have I. But I simply must tell you how much I miss you... how much I miss the old yous. I miss how small and pert you used to be. I miss how graceful and perfectly proportioned you once were. I miss how I could once go without a bra. Now, I dare not attempt it since you tend to leak and sag in the worst way.

Now you're nothing but milk jugs to a greedy, hungry child who insists you belong to her.

Will you ever return to your former glory? Will we ever have bra-less days in thin, trendy tank tops? Will we ever go back to one sports bra, instead of two? Sadly, unless you meet a fabulous surgeron with skilled, steady hands, I doubt it. :( I doubt you will ever be a fraction of what you use to be.

But alas, I promise to love you for all the hard work you've done and all the overtime you've put in. I know I told you it would only be for a year, but I appreciate you handling the unexpected delay like the degnified ladies you are. I swear, up and down, that two years will be your maximum output. I promise that in seven months you will be free to hang out and relax. I promise that we will try everything to perk up your outlook on life.

Thank you for everything.


verygoodyear said...

... Every morning, when I wake up & look at my boobs, I'm totally thrilled that I'm no longer an A cup. But I think you just broke my heart a little! Two sports bras? While I am admittedly stuck in one ALL THE TIME, doesn't that feel... constricting?

I don't mean to mess with your boob self-esteem! They feed a child, so they're doing pretty damned well :]

Also, re: the nose strips -- I will try them if the stuffy noses start interfering with my sleep!

E.L.M Dyck said...

If I were to write a letter to my own Boobs I feel it would sound something like this. Well written & very amusing my friend! 'claps'

ParentingPink said...

HaHaHaHa! Love this post. Very creative and oh, so true! I want my perky ones back!

Blicky Kitty said...

Oh what a fantastic post! So smart and fun. I nursed my older daughter for 22 months and my younger daughter for 20 and it was perfect. I think we're probably more "typical" than you think. I wouldn't trade a thing with my two little lovies. They are awesome snugglers.

My boobs were just never that awesome but now they're truly sad. The thing that cracks me up is now that I've lost weight, the poor things fall through the bottom of my sports bra!

koopermom said...

This is awesome! Very creative, good luck with the magazine! (Stopping over from SITS!)