Anything For A Kiss

For the longest time, Roo wouldn't give me kisses.

I had to steal them.

I had to be sneaky and devilish about it and pretend to give her the binky so she'd be puckered up and I would swoop in and plant one on her lips. Or I would snatch her up, turn her upside down and wait until she went into full on wide-open mouth giggle mode before I could attack her with my lips.

Now, she gives them.

Freely.

And I take full advantage.

Roo, do you want a cookie? First you must give me a kiss.

Roo, would you like to go play toys? Kiss please.

Roo, do you love me? Prove it and KISS ME!

I make up any excuse for her to kiss me.

And I love it.

I just melt when I ask for a kiss and she leans forward, perfect pink lips puckered... she even makes the MUAH sound after we kiss.

It warms every part of my heart... so much that I must go demand more kisses from her, right this instant.

Poor child is going to hate me one day, huh?

:)

Mommy Confession: Is it guilt?

Lately my eyes have been glued to my daughter. It's like I'm trying to absorb as much of her as I can while she's the only one.

I keep staring at her thinking, "This time next year we'll have two."

Last night as we walked around in the rain holding hands, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so happy barefoot and collecting rocks. The other day as we painted masterpieces for Daddy, I was amazed at every movement she made. And when she discovered 3D chalk and turned circles with those silly green glasses on her face, I was a big ball of mush.

She's at such a fun point in the toddler years (minus the occasional melt-down due to the dreaded word "No."). She can run and talk and figure things out on her own and I am just in awe of her.

And I have to confession, I have a small amount of guilt/panic that we're growing to include another baby. Maybe it's not guilt, but it's something. It's something that has me watching Roo and hoping I don't screw up her childhood. She's been our one and only for so long, that bringing a baby into the equation means the end of a lot of things for her. Co-sleeping, potty training, another human being....

Last night as I struggled to go to sleep, I went into panic mode. What if I royally screw it all up? What if Roo hates me for having another baby? What if I can't handle a three year old and a newborn?

What if?

What if?

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Too Much Love?

It's no secret that I'm head over heels in love with my daughter.

I gush about her every chance I get and spend a heck of a lot of time watching her with a busting heart.

And today as we played in her larger than life sandbox (our front riding ring), I wondered if I would feel the same about Baby #2.

Sure, a Mom's heart grows with each child... but I really love Roo so damn much I wonder what it'll be like to have so much love in ones heart.

I'm a little scared of my poor heart bursting.

And how in the world will I keep my eyes on both of these nuggets? Am I going to have to divide my time in half? The first thirty minutes of the hour is devoted to gazing in awe at Roo and the second thirty minutes will be labeled for Baby #2 gushing?

How do Moms of Two do it?

Anyone?

Oh No, Waterworks.

I have to admit, ever since I had Roo I've become a tad bit more emotional than I've ever been... and being pregnant again hasn't helped this at all.

Let me give you an example, say I'm watching TV and someone has a baby. Instantly, I'm a blubbering idiot crying over the miracle of birth. Hell, say I'm reading a book about love, death, dogs, anything, I cry.

I even get emotional watching Maury's DNA test results!!

While this is humorous to my husband, it's potentially embarrassing to me. When I go to the gym to work out, I always snag a elliptical machine with the TV attached to it so I can catch up on whatever I missed during the day... and tears in public are not the coolest thing. People tend to look at you like you're a nut job if you cry in public.

Sure, I could stop watching TV at the gym, but what fun would working out be?

I could stop watching all TV shows that include babies, love, any ups and downs in life... but that would make for a really long 9 months.

I guess I'll just have to suck it up, hide my tears or just wait until my belly pops out and if I cry and people look at me funny I can just point to the life growing inside of me as an explanation.

Maybe?

Maybe not.

:)

Mommy Confession: No Puking Here

Apparently, I'm super lucky in this department.

I don't get morning sickness.

At all.

When I was pregnant with Roo, I threw up a grand total of two times. One was from bad steak and the other was because I swallowed cinnamon toothpaste.

I delight in this aspect of both of my pregnancies because I. HATE. THROWING. UP.

To me, throwing up is a huge sign of weakness. Weird, I know. But it's my thing.

And I love that I can make it through pregnancies without anything more than an ill-timed burp.

Maybe I just have the stomach to grow babies?

Sure looks like it from the looks of the thing.

:)

Sleep Envelope

This house has become folded into some weird sleep envelope.

Maybe it came with all those magazines from the doctor's office.

I'm exhausted all the time, so I nap during the day and I sleep in late in the morning.

This means my toddler sleeps all the time too. She stays up until 11:00am and sleeps until 8:30am with a two plus hour nap during the day.

It's kinda like we're wandering around in a haze and we're lucky if we make it outside for some fun.

And I feel horrible about it!

My toddler shouldn't be sleeping like an old pregnant lady. Roo should be out having fun, taking on the playground, playing with kids her age.

Sure she doesn't protest all this sleeping and non-activity, but I hate it.

This must change. I'm putting my foot down and demanding F-U-N!

What do you think?